Train of Thoughts

They are aware, they are. Just sometimes they don't realize... funny how this works, so much beauty, an abnormal amount of perfection. Yet, what is perfect?, why it attracts us? But it does... no matter why, and they are aware, they know. 

Maybe they don't know they know... can someone be unconsciously aware? is that a contradiction? But I know they know... it is so obvious, it hurts. I am hurt. I want this to stop. I want no one to find out of this. Stop. 

I am aware. They are beautiful. It's hard to look at such concentrated benign femininity. Those eyes, that smile. I want it. No, I don't. I want to want it. Stop. Again, let's go. One more beer, I need another soon, the bottle is over, the green color has no partner in crime, just the void evidence of the crime itself being hold on its empty space. 

One more, it's here. I am happy, right? I'm not. No happiness, ecstasy, meaningless. Synthesized, fabricated... but good, feels good, dizzy; unconsciousness reaching sentient. Am I still here? Here. Words. Apple. Back. Stop. Concentrate! It's here. Who? Me. 

They shouldn't be aware. But they are... they will always be. We need then all to be aware, we need all to know and act in accordance... live in accordance, die in those terms. Need another sip. One more. Hip. It's hot here. Humid... need air, need to respire. Better now, yet the noise, white noise? Not white, sounds gray, with a splash of yellow. I don't like yellow... need another sip of green. Done. 

Why I am still here. Should be sleeping. I don't like sleeping. Yes I do, just I didn't like it before... afraid to sleep. afraid of dreams, good dreams, better than reality... I wasn't afraid of sleeping, I was afraid of waking up. Pain, real pain. 

Come, I miss you. Another gulp. Just remembered that the green beer is not mine. Maybe I should not drink it. Who cares, they drank my amber, I drink their green now, it's fair. Mine was better. Too much light here, I don't feel like being in the light. Need darkness, turn off the light. Dark now. 

Monster like darkness. I like darkness. I'm not afraid anymore. I can dream, dream new realities, dream whatever my psyche wants, I don't care. I will wake up and continue. And go to sleep and dream. Endless cycle, until it ends. Ends. everything ends. We are doomed. But doom is far away, far far far. I care. Not sure why. In the end it is all the same. One more dream. 

STOP... too long, nobody wants to read that much. Not even sure someone will want to read a few lines of yours. Mine. I will read it. I read it. I am in love, in love with an idea, the idea of being in love. I want to kiss you now. Or just a hug. Just a look, a long one. let my eyes get lost on yours, until is too weird. 

Done. Too much. Grab another bottle. Etruska. That's how the night will end.